ALL-TIME BEST 10 SCI-FI MOVIE MONSTERS

 

10. The Kraken, Clash of the Titans (1981, 2010)

Release the…well this fine creature. The Kraken is one of the most misunderstood of the sci-fi monsters. All he wants to do is make a little love and have some fun. Latest whereabouts have him living outside Gary Busey’s house. Hello pants…

9. Jeff Goldblum, The Fly (1986)

The fact that this film included both David Cronenberg and Goldblum shoots the weird factor up to 11. Turning Goldblum into a giant fly…even freaking weirder. Word is this one delayed commercial production of telepods indefinitely.

8. King Kong

I guess Kong actually wasn’t a monster per se. Nonetheless, he did his share of damage to the Big Apple. Honestly, the scariest thing about this one was the bizarre relationship between Kong and the female leads. I guess this was meant to make Kong seem sympathetic, when it really just made him a freak.

7. The Borg, Star Trek First Contact (1996)

The Borg, who first appeared on tv, were some of the all-time best baddies. Incredibly smart, merciless, and very very pale. So…basically a weaponized version of Sheldon Cooper.

6. Jabba the Hutt, Star Wars Episodes IV-VI 

Everybody’s favorite overweight intergalactic gangster takes up residence  at the 6 spot. Like King Kong, Jabba’s a freak, who wants nothing more than Carrie Fisher and the KFC Double Down Sandwich to come back. Well, he got one of those I guess…

5. H.A.L. 9000, 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

While Stanley Kubrick’s vision of the future is a masterpiece, his passive-aggressive, homicidal computer always stands out to viewers. If you’ve seen this one a few times, you can’t help but run for the hills when your Mac displays that pinwheel loading thing. If only they had tried Control-Alt-Delete or if H.A.L. was made by Dell, things might have turned out better.

4. Godzilla

We always knew nuclear testing would come back to bite us in the ass.  Well it did… in the form of a giant pissed off dinosaur with scoliosis. Most of Godzilla’s damage was done to Japan, but he had his moments in the states as well. Most notably, single-handedly ruining Matthew Broderick’s career. The new one looks half-way decent, so we’ll have to see.

3. The Thing, The Thing (1982)

We’ll focus on John Carpenter’s masterpiece for this one. The Thing was about as nasty as sci-fi villains come. I guess that’s what Kurt Russell and company get for waking him up from his nap. I get pretty pissed myself when people wake me up. Not take over your body and split you in half pissed, but I’ve been known to throw quite the hissy.

2. Xenomorphs, The Alien Films

Savage, ravenous creatures who hunt you down and impregnate you. Nope, not Michael Cera from Juno. These suckers are the ultimate in badass killing machines. In fact, it takes the equally badass Sigourney Weaver to merely even the playing field. On a related note, what jackass thought these would be a good addition to the The Great Movie Ride at MGM Studios? Definitely, not the maintenance workers that had to mop up the endless pools of urine on the ride’s trams.

1. Predator, The Predator Films

Predator is really an interesting film character. I mean, the dude has an honor code for who he kills and who he lets live. Further, the first few movies seem like a commentary on chivalry rather than merely sci-fi affair. He’s so cool, I’ll even overlook the fact that he was killed by a man who nearly got blown-up on the shitter in Lethal Weapon 2. Little know fact, before Kevin Peter Hall took over the role, Jean-Claude Van Damme filmed scenes as our #1 ALL-TIME BEST SCI-FI MOVIE MONSTER. 

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